For the past couple of months I have found myself wanting to do more with my life. Wanting to get out there and make a difference in the world, wanting to make new friends, wanting to travel, wanting to explore, wanting to work. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love being a stay at home wife and I can not wait until we have children and I am a stay at home mom but lately I have been feeling like that isn’t enough right now. Lately, I have found myself quite unmotivated to do anything. I have found myself sleeping more, staring mindlessly at the computer, and having no motivation to do housework. Even things I used to find joy in I no longer have the motivation or want to do them. For the first time in a long time I have really felt the desire to work. However, going back to work isn’t without its fears. I worry about working with my health issues, I worry about what type of jobs I will be able to get, I worry about the interview process (I really don’t like going on interviews but then again who does lol).
I have also been thinking about where I currently am in my life and what I have to show for it up until this point. I am nearing 30 and finding that I don’t want to look back when I am 60 and wonder what I did with my life. I want to say I did more than clean my house or got groceries. I want to talk about the time I worked at our homeless shelter or traveled to a cool new place. Although I have always wanted to stay home when we have kids I am starting to realize I would like to do something with my life until that happens because even though I don’t intend to work when we have babies, who knows if I may want to work when they are older. By not working or volunteering now before that happens, I could potentially be shutting myself off to future experiences. Finding work with a small gap is easier than finding work with a 10-20 year gap.
I really can’t say where all of this came from.. I just remember a couple months back I was washing some dishes in our sink and it just hit me. I wanted to make a change. It’s not even just about work. It is about so much more. I want to go out in the world and meet new people. Yes, I have a small group of friends here where we live and yes I have friends I have stayed in touched with since college but I don’t have a “best friend” at least not where we live. Sadly my best friend lives miles and miles and states away. It would be nice to have one close by. Making friends as an adult though is hard and even harder for someone who has social anxiety but it is something I want to try.
Apparently a lot of these feelings I have been having thankfully have a name. Hello quarter life crisis lol Supposedly the quarter life crisis occurs between the ages of 25-35 and lasts for about two years. During this time you doubt yourself and what you have been doing A LOT! It is also the time where you don’t quite feel like an adult but certainly are no longer a child. This is also the time where you can clearly see two roads in front of you. A life of comfort and a life of risk. Deciding which to choose becomes a very difficult task. This is also the time period where most people compare themselves to everyone around them. You find your main focus is on your shortcomings and failures instead of your accomplishments.
But, it’s not all bad. It is also the time where you really find yourself and figure out what you want out of your life. It is a time for big changes, big decisions, and big rewards. I have really been trying to figure out what I want out of my life, what I want to do now and what I want to do 20 years from now. That is a scary thing to do when you thought you knew what you wanted. Although there are plenty of days where I am completely happy with what I am doing with my life, I wouldn’t mind finding success in something outside of my home. That may happen this year, 5 years from now or a 10 years down the road but the important thing to remember is you have to start somewhere. Things may happen quickly or things may take some time so it is good to keep in mind that success doesn’t have a deadline. Life is about the process, about the roads we take, and the journey we travel to get us to where we want to be. It doesn’t always have to be about the end. Sometimes the journey is the best part.
What does this mean for me? I really am not sure but I am working hard on figuring it all out and deciding where I want to go from here. That may mean doing some volunteer work with our women’s shelter or helping at an after school program. It could mean finding a part time job working with children or those with disabilities.It could mean finding simple work to do and working my way up. It could mean finding a club to join or taking up some type of class to learn a new skill. I really can’t say for sure. What I can say is that it means I will be moving forward in a new direction and possibly trying out a few new paths. Seeing what fits best and what I enjoy and trying to find some of that motivation and ambition I somehow lost along the way.
Have you ever experienced a quarter life crisis? Are you going through one right now? I would love to hear your own experience!
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